Ew, I'm so gross

No joke.  I haven't even had the will power to weigh myself and see the damage done.  All I did in Vermont was eat and drink, which I expected, but then even since I've been back I've been eating so much crap, I can't stop.  I know I've gained back any weight I had lost before, and then some, but I'm too wuss to even see exactly how much.  I really need to get it together, and hopefully weigh myself in tomorrow morning and start over.  I suck.  I feel gross.  And my face is breaking out from all the greasy food I've been eating.  Blah.  I've just had no self control.  I'll eat something bad, and then just be like, well today was a wash, might as well keep going.  I've had pizza, burritos, fried chicken, etc. like there's no tomorrow.    Also, my Girl Scout cookies have arrived...

Feelin' Goooood!

This morning I weigh myself in at...205.2!!!! Woohooo.  I'm in such a good mood!  I've lost some weight, I just found an awesome apartment with one of my best friends, and I am leaving for Vermont in a few hours to see some of my awesome friends from college.  So stoked!

Last Day of Raw Food Mania

So I haven't had time to post all week, because I've been crazy busy.  I've kind of been wanting to move out my current apartment for various reasons for some time now, but didn't have any place to move to, and did not want to do random craigslist roommates again.  But on Monday, one of my super good friends who has been living at home with her parents informed me that she wanted to move out and be roommates with me!  So we've been running all over Boston looking at apartments and getting the run around from realtors, but tonight we finally found the place of our dreams!  It's sooo cute! And it has a jacuzzi tub, we're in love!  I'm sooo excited, and cannot wait until March 1st!

Other than that, I have just been eating raw fruits, vegetables, and nuts all week.  Today was my last day, and I think overall the raw food diet was a success.  Now I just have to make sure I don't undo all my hard work this weekend when I am in Vermont... I know I am going to be eating stuff that is way unhealthy, but I guess my only goal is to try to make healthy choices when possible?  I have no idea how this is going to go.  I am going to weigh myself tomorrow morning for a final tally of weight I lost while eating all raw foods, and also so I can see the damage done while I am in Vermont, ugh.

I Just Love Cookies :(

Ugh, I cracked today.  I was walking around Whole Foods, picking out some fresh veggies, when there they were....a sample bowl of their store brand oreos.  I just love cookies too much, I couldn't resist.  So I ate one.  Blah, oh well.  Besides that I stuck to all raw foods.  I've been hitting the avocados pretty hard, because they are delicious and actually filling....yum.

I should mention that although I did slip, I was able to resist the bowl of Valentine's Day candies/chocolates that one of my evil coworkers put out in close proximity to my desk.  So maybe that victory cancels out my oreo cookie fail?  Hmmm...

It's been...one week!

I haven't eaten anything non-raw for a week!!  I feel really great, seriously.  I often get this pain in my gut, I think from what I eat, but I haven't had that at all in the past week.  So that's good!  I've even gone to the gym 3 days in a row...I am on a roll!

I'm a bit nervous about my upcoming trip up to Vermont.  Mostly, I'm afraid my hard work will get undone and I'll end up back where I started.  But I think it will be impossible not to drink and eat yummy take out with everyone else.  I guess this will be my first major test of self control...eek!

I lost 4 lbs!

I'm feeling really good about losing 4 pounds!  Only 70 more to go until I'm a skinny sexy bitch, haha.

I even went to the gym last night and rode the bike for a half hour.  I wish I could say I enjoyed it, but I really dislike going to the gym.  The working out itself part isn't what I dislike, I know I just have to get used to that and get more motivated, it's the gym vibe itself I loathe.  Plus, Planet Fitness is not the judgement free zone they claim to be.  I thought it would be pretty empty and quiet since I went at 7pm on a Friday night.  I was wrong,  there were tons of meat heads and bro dudes pumping iron and loitering by the weights, ugh.  I suppose they're just as entitled as I am to uber cheap membership fees, I just wish there had been more frumpy pudgy girls around for me to commiserate with I guess or something.  Maybe I'm just being overly self-conscious.

I also bought a Groupon to take a sushi making class sometime.  I'm so obsessed with Groupons, and I think this will be a good way for me to learn how to make a relatively healthy dish on my own!  Can't wait!

Cookies! Cookies! Everywhere!

Ok, so seriously, today I was bombarded with cookies.  And cookies are my pretty much my Achilles Heel.  At work there were cookies and brownies in the kitchen.  My cube neighbor was also selling Girl Scout cookies on behalf of his daughter.  And when I got home, my roommate had received this Cookie Basket concoction (think edible arrangements on crack) as a congratulations for a promotion.  I'm not kidding, it was like the Cookie Monster was watching me and thinking of cruel jokes to taunt me with.  Ok, just in case someone out there someday decides to read this and thinks I'm kidding about the Cookie Arrangement sitting on my counter when I got home, here is proof:

Somehow, I got through the onslaught of cookies and stuck to my raw foods diet.  Even when my roommate offered me a cookie and then proceeded to eat one himself off of a stick in front of me....gah!

I know it's only been three days, but I am still kind of proud of myself for resisting temptation and sticking to my goal of eating only raw food, in spite of my love for cookies.

Ok, I confess, I ended up buying three boxes of the Caramel Delights Girl Scout cookies from my cube neighbor.  But I figured my order wouldn't come in for a few weeks, and it was to support a good cause!  And I love those cookies.  I'll just have to practice some serious portion and self control when they arrive.

Lead Me Not Into Temptation

Today was my first day as a Rawist at work.  Bringing my own breakfast and lunch was key.  My breakfast kept me full almost all the way up until lunchtime, which was a pleasant surprise since I'm usually ravenous by noon.  My lunch was delicious, but I still wanted something to crunch on afterwards.  I contemplated taking a walk to Trader Joe's, but it was snowy and gross out, so I decided to check out the CVS across the street for some raw nuts.  CVS had a huge selection of nuts, but not a single raw one.  I began to go into a slight panic mode, since now I had my mind set on cashews.  I walked up to the Shaw's, and luckily they had some raw cashews to satiate my craving for something crunchy.  Crisis avoided.


After lunch, my office friend informed me that there were goodies in the kitchen...gah!  Since scavenging for food has always been kind of our bonding point (figures) I went with her to check out the situation.  Giant soft chocolate chip cookies!  My favorite!  I resisted temptation though!  And told my friend I was hoping there might be some fruit (sometimes there is) and told her about my raw food diet.  She seemed into it.  Hopefully since now she knows my secret, I will feel more accountable to my raw food oath and thus more motivated.  


On a completely unrelated note, I decided today to disable my online dating profile.  Since my love slash dating life had been nonexistent, I had started to dabble in online dating a few months ago.  I had mild success, and went out on a few dates with a few guys, but did not meet anyone particularly special.  The one guy I thought was cool and had potential ended up simply cutting off communication with me out of the blue one day, but that's another story.  Anyways, my reason for disabling my account is that I realized that I can't expect someone to be happy with me until I find more happiness with myself.  That, and I hadn't received a message from a guy in a while, and I was starting to feel slightly pathetic.  Oh well.

So far, so good

Well, I survived my first day as a Rawist.  It was MLK Jr. Day, and I had the day off from work, so I was a little worried I might want to eat something cooked, carby, or chocolate out of boredom, but I managed to stay strong.  I wish I could say I went to the gym or did something fun to avoid bored eating, but I just sat around all day and chain watched The Office, which is fine.  It was pretty snowy and gross out, and I'm not ready to make any gym goals just yet...

For lunch, I made a pseudo trail mix, consisting of raisins, cashews, and a green apple.  Not too bad.

I estimated that it was about 390 calories, but I think that might be a slightly high estimate.

I also prepared my breakfast and lunch to bring with me to work for tomorrow.  For breakfast, I made a fruit salad with a mango, blueberries, and grapes.  For lunch, I made an avocado, red onion, red pepper, and cherry tomatoes medley with cilantro and a half of a fresh squeezed lemon for flavor.  I'm actually pretty pumped for my lunch creation :)

Overall, I feel pretty satisfied.  I didn't really calorie count, but I don't think I over ate either.  I'm excited to keep up this diet, although I do think work tomorrow might pose some challenges for my willpower, since there are usually tempting and delicious baked items around.  I'll just have to promptly delete any emails with "donuts in the kitchen" or "cookies in the break room" as the subject.

I know it's only been one day, but so far so good.

The Beginning of the End

Today will hopefully mark the beginning of the end of my days as of being overweight, self-conscious, and occasionally self-loathing, and the beginning of my journey to becoming a slimmer, healthier, and more confident woman.  My first diet, a 12 day stint as a Rawist, will be my first self-imposed challenge to prove whether I truly possess the will power to practice self-controlled eating.

I weighed in this morning at 213.6 pounds.  Although ultimately my goal is to weigh 140 pounds, I have no set weight loss objective for this 12 day raw food diet.  This is mostly because I am not sure what a realistic goal for 12 days is and because I think the goal of eating strictly raw foods will be enough of a challenge for now.

I Like It Raw

So I have decide to experiment with various diets and eating techniques and keep a record of my trials and tribulations in a blog.  This blog is purely to share my experiences, and I do not recommend you try this at home.  I do welcome any helpful comments, tips, and suggestions for future diets to follow!
For my first dieting endeavor, I am going to embark on an all raw foods diet, beginning tomorrow.  Mondays are a good day to start any diet, right?

I think a diet consisting entirely of raw and unprocessed foods will be a good way to detox my system.  In preparation, I went to the grocery store today to pick up lots of delicious fruits and vegetables that could be eaten raw.  I also got some  raw cashews and raisins for snacks.  I plan to take a very literal interpretation of what is raw.  This means nothing with any preservatives, no oils, and nothing with any sugar or salt added.

My goal is to only eat raw foods for 12 days.  It would have been a full two weeks, but I am going to visit some friends from college in two weeks, and to be honest, not drinking and not eating amazingly delicious cooked foods is just not realistic, and I accept that.

Alright, tomorrow is day one...wish me luck!